The Chronicles of Courtney

Hello All!  How the hell are You guys?!  Let’s see..... where to start..... oh, I got a new job. I am now the parts and logistic coordinator for a company I cannot name because my shit is to vulgar and I don’t need to get fired. Just know, I love it and I fucking rock at it and everyone loves me there..... welllll not everyone lmao. Some people just don’t appreciate my organization skills. Let’s be honest my patience for incompetence has pretty much diminished. I could never ever be put in a manger position. Thank god my boss is awesome and doesn’t judge my foul language and crude humor and my judgmental having ass. LOL  Hmmmm what else.... oh I’m am of course on the never ending  carousel of being on a diet one week to saying fuck it YOLO on taco Tuesday. So I’m forever going to be on the chunky side... yasssss thank you for all the compliments on how I’m not... I’m fatter in person.  I’m still currently going strong with sexy beefcake, only wanted to murder him a handf

Hello All! Ladies and gents, strap on your strap on it’s gonna be a freaky ride!! It’s been awhile, so figured I’d start you back with what I promised last time. Our anniversary trip to the greatest city I know. New Orleans. Where bad decisions happen and dirty bucket list wishes get marked off! A little back story, so you can understand the full story. My beefcake and I had a few months of insanity and separated for a few months. All you Facebook people knew. It was a thing, now it’s over. All is well in Murphy land now. (Counseling rocks. Do it) anywho, this was our first trip together since we were back together. The trip up was filled with many mushy kisses and we fucking did it speeches and promises of a better us. Very lovely but not to worry, things will get nasty soon enough my little freaks.  We arrive right at dinner time, drop the bags off and head straight to dinner and drinks. The dinner sucked until I realized I could BRING MY DRINK WITH ME! My little brain was blown

Hello All, Well 2018 can suck big fat fucking donkey dick. I’m so far over it and it’s only fucking March. So first before the horrid new year even started we were testing my oldest daughter in school. So any mom who has a child who is struggling in school will understand how hard it is. Every single day. Not only that but I found out riley is a big fat liar. So she no longer has a phone. Layne my beautiful tiny spitfire likes to live like a pig who’s just been fed scraps in her room... IN MY NEW HOUSE. As well as showering in filth. So she got her entire room and bathroom taken from her. Cause I’m Mom and I said so. UGGHHHHHHHHHH.... The lord is testing me lately with these children. I can’t lately. Found out Jason is literally allergic to the entire outside world.... he will be the next bubble boy. Swear. Then with all of this going on, we get a real fucking kick in the balls and my husband gets a call his brother lost his life in a very tragic car accident. A wife lost her so

Hello All, As most of you know, I have anxiety. At least 10 times a week I've got cancer or my littles have some type of whacked out disease. Its awful. Every article I read leads me into a full blown freak out. Sometimes I can control my stupid impulses and horrid mind. Something is seriously wrong with it by the way. Well if you read any of my previous shit you've already figured that out. LOL Well anyway, my sister and husband talks me down most of the time. My poor daughters are screwed though lol My oldest freaks out as much as I do. Don't run in the parking lot or you will die! LOL swear she yelled that at her little brother. It a running joke in our family. Very small things in this house can make you die... Ya you can judge, then I'll tell you to shut the hell up. Living with severe anxiety can be crippling sometimes. Do you assholes think I want to live this way? Doesn't help that I can't even take a freaking pill to calm my shit down. I am allergic

Hello All, Yes yes, I missed y'all to... LOL Sorry life caught up with me...by that I mean, I realized how much I jiggled and that I didn't fit in my pants so great anymore. So I am trying this whole "gym life" and its kicking my fucking ass. But hey if I can get to the point where I can eat a damn pizza without feeling like I need to sacrifice my first born in order to not gain 123756923856 pounds, from that one stuff crust sent from the gods. Then I will give a good go. Between this new schedule and well just life with what feels like ten kids and work and well my books.... Its been difficult. SO bare with me if y'all don't get weekly post :) Annyywwhhoooo, My life altering story tonight I blame on T.V. and parents incapable of being a proper parent. (yeah, I said it) And if you get offend then you are probably said parent. About 6 or so months ago, my husband was home from his hitch. My wonderful once in a lifetime love of a husband always tries to

Hello All, Sorry I didn't post yesterday, it has been a very hectic weekend. I am pooped. So as I mentioned before. I have 4 beautiful babies. Riley is 10, Faith is 9, Layne is 7, and Jason is 4. To say my life is hectic would be an understatement. With a husband who works out of town, the kids, our new puppies. Working from home, its balls to the walls all the time. I barely have time to have a social life, I haven't even shit in peace in 10 years. It's a beautiful life I love. Another side note about me, I freaking hate scary movies. Hell I even hate suspense movies. Anything that makes you jump or even yelp a little. I ain't having it. Nope, my poor husband is on his own when he wants to watch shit like that. The last scary movie I watched, was a paranormal one. I didn't sleep for 72 hours and thought every damn bump was a demon trying to take over my body and kill my family. It.was.awful. I am the biggest damn pansy you will ever meet. I literally cry and

Hello All! This post is a follow up from the previous story "The First Encounter". So read that first if you haven't, so you don't get lost. Okay ..... so most of you know that my husband works in the oilfied as a field service tech at Canrig. Jeremy's hitch is 2 weeks gone, 1 week home. Sometimes he will work over, and it sucks donkey balls but that's the life as an oilfield wife. Years ago when Alexa first came out, my technology geek husband freaked out! Went and put himself on the waiting list to be one of the first people to receive her. I wasn't at all impressed and mainly use her for a timer when I am cooking and music.  Yes, I am referring this skank piece of technology as a person because we now have the main base in the kitchen and 6 additional "mini skanks" in every bedroom, to be used as an intercom system to talk to the kids and be nosey. Jeremy even found lights that hook up to her and you can say " Alexa, turn the l

Hello All, So I have been thinking these last few days on exactly which story I wanted to share that would make you get to know my personal life a little more... what better way than to give you the story of how my beefcake husband and I came to be..... A the tender age of 15 I met my one person in life. You all know who I am talking about. That one best friend that clicks and has never left your side. Elizabeth is my person. We met at a pretty awesome party, whiskey shots were involved my high school boyfriends, best friend brought a new girl.. Now what we aren't gonna do here ladies and gents, is pretend that you all never had a drink before you were 21.... anyway, I was pretty toasted and in walks Elizabeth we bonded over whiskey and boons farm. Match made in heaven. Fast forward a few years, tears, and babies later.... I'm at Elizabeth's daughter birthday party (my niece). In walks this fine specimen of a man with a beautiful daughter. At this point I'm star

Hello all, Let’s just start this off with telling you why my fantastic self decided to put her big girl panties on and put her funny self out there and start blogging, it was my husbands idea.... you see I was on a rant about rice crispy cereal. The delicious damn devil cereal. I’m trying to lose weight... oh I know trust me I’m rolling my eyes to. Anyway, the temptress box was staring at me through the pantry and I was searching deep within my soul to find some sort of flipping willpower to just say no... (side note: I didn’t say no, I embraced it ate 2 bowls) texting my husband like every wife complaining about said willpower. Instead of fueling my self loathing attack upon myself, he said “you should start a blog”.... so here I am ladies and gents. I’m here to help you laugh when the kids won’t get out of your face. The husband is being a pissy tool. The dog shit on your carpet. Or the boss fucked up your day with a pointless meeting. Let me warn you now, I have a mouth on me. Cuss