Mom fail
Hello All,
Yes yes, I missed y'all to... LOL
Sorry life caught up with me...by that I mean, I realized how much I jiggled and that I didn't fit in my pants so great anymore. So I am trying this whole "gym life" and its kicking my fucking ass. But hey if I can get to the point where I can eat a damn pizza without feeling like I need to sacrifice my first born in order to not gain 123756923856 pounds, from that one stuff crust sent from the gods. Then I will give a good go.
Between this new schedule and well just life with what feels like ten kids and work and well my books.... Its been difficult. SO bare with me if y'all don't get weekly post :)
Annyywwhhoooo,
My life altering story tonight I blame on T.V. and parents incapable of being a proper parent. (yeah, I said it) And if you get offend then you are probably said parent.
About 6 or so months ago, my husband was home from his hitch. My wonderful once in a lifetime love of a husband always tries to do daddy date nights with one of his girls. Well that week just happened to be with my oldest riley. Now what some of y'all don't know about riley is she is severely ADD... NOT ADHD she is not hyperactive. My babe just having a really hard time focusing on one single thing at a time. Plus OCD. It's super fun at times, but dreadfully painful other times.
So Jeremy takes her out to eat, and they are talking about food and drinks and whatnot. When Riley says well I can't drink anything I want (I don't let my kids have soda) and Jeremy is like well no, but that stuff is bad for you anyway... Riley pops off with well I have this friend in school and if she could drink anything all day it would be alcohol.....BING red flags start going off ... Jeremy suddenly became the best detective that side of magnolia. Riley of course back tracks and tries to change shit up. So Jeremy stops and diverts the conversation and brings it home to me later.....
Jeremy then fills me in on the whole conversation and his worries and concerns. So I bring riley outside to ask her a few questions and explain to her she is not in trouble and I just need to see if we need to help anyone. So she tells me one of her friends that's older drank some and that's what she was referring to. So I then explain why we don't drink so young or do drugs.... I then proceed to ask my TEN year old if she had anymore questions.
Now is the time to let y'all in on my motto. I do not lie to my kids, I promised myself I never would. I would give it to them straight. I always said they could ask me any questions. Cause of my own experiences and being absolutely terrified of my mother (sorry mom) I had no clue what DSL meant and I thought it was the coolest thing ever when that went around in 6th grade.... Note we also didn't have TV really back then either. So I was really clueless. I mean fuck I was walking around about having Dick Sucking Lips like a fucking gold metal and mortified once I found out.... In 7th grade!!!!
Anyway, Riley my sweet baby, the apple of my eye. Then looks at me and says... Well I have a lot of questions... I said okay, like what? She was like well sex.....
I was not prepared for this at all, I thought I had at least 3-4 years before I need to have this conversation with my daughter. I was fucking BLINDSIGHTED! In my head I was like okay okay shes 10 it can't be that bad...(lights cigarette)
okay Riley, whatcha got.
Well how does sex work?
brain talk (okay not bad)
well, here is where people say I should have switched to medical terminology... I didn't,,, I WASNT PREPARED.
So I explain a man has a penis and he puts it into your vagina hole.
riley: (horrified expression) like my tiny hole where my pee comes out!
brain talk (fucking A!!)
No no baby, you have 2 holes one is for pee the other is your vagina hole. Then I explain that's how babies are made the whole thing. Tubes and sperm and fucking all of it
Riley: Oh okay, well is that what you and Jeremy are doing when I hear those noises?
Brain talk( light cigarette, mother fucking god damnit)
yes
Riley: So like it hurts?
brain talk (why did I have girls)
Well, at first it hurts the, very first time you have sex. But after it can feel very pleasant and good and that's why I make noises. Like when you eat something really good and it you say yummm without realizing it.
Riley: oh, so like what does a penis look like.
brain (I am failing as a mother right now)
ummmmm its hard to explain, they come in all sizes but most are like the size of a straight banana.
Riley: So what does it mean to be turned on? one of my friends says that.
Brain (I'm finding this fucking friends parents and kicking them in the fucking twat)
Well babe its your bodies natural response, you get a little fluid down there and you can kind of feel your heart beat.
Riley: So that's what that is when my friend Nolan is hugging me.
Brain ( OMFG, WTF, where have I gone WRONG? ---Lights Cigarette)
Well, you know not to act on those feelings right? Like its not okay to have boyfriends, or kiss or even like hold hands?
Riley: Oh yeah I know, we've talked about that.
(Lights Cigarette)
Riley: So when can I go on dates and stuff?
Brain (Fucking never)
Ummm we will put a little pin in that question and talk about it again when you are 16.
Brain (Fucking Never)
( lights cigarette)
Do you have anymore questions babe?
Riley: Well why do boys laugh when I say something is hard? Like the play-dough at school.
Brain (fucking pervy ass little fucking boys.)
Well, you know how I told you about when women get "turned on" when men do, their penis gets harder. So IMMATURE boys tend to laugh at stupid things like that. YOU should NEVER play with boys like that.
brain (stalk this Nolan fucker at school)
Any other questions?
brain ( I sure the fuck hope not,, Lights Cigarette)
Riley: No, but if I do I can come ask you right?
Of course baby, I'll always be here.
(Lights another cigarette)
Jeremy then comes outside. I am a fucking hot mess. More so than usual. I then go through the entire horrible encounter with him... He said well did you tell her it was the devil making her tingly. I cannot even with this man sometimes y'all.
Gonna give y'all a little parenting tip. Ask questions. Every fucking day. These other little bastard ass kids are watching R rated films and youtube and horrible shit and filling your little angels head with sex and debauchery that they don't even understand. Fucking little pricks. And to the parent who willing let their kids do whatever the fuck they want.... well leave a little comment below so I can deliver a cunt punch. I know these are different times and all but fuck she is 10 years old. I was absolutely floored with the questions it was a for real slap in the face. I know I am not the best mother and I should of handled that a totally more medical way. But I really thought I had a few more years. My no filter having ass cost me on this one guys.
So talk to your babies, ask questions. It's a different world we live in these days. I'll be damned if my girls lack the knowledge of anything and end up knocked up like their mother way to early. Not that I'd take my loves back but still. Just do it in a better way than me. LOL
Yes yes, I missed y'all to... LOL
Sorry life caught up with me...by that I mean, I realized how much I jiggled and that I didn't fit in my pants so great anymore. So I am trying this whole "gym life" and its kicking my fucking ass. But hey if I can get to the point where I can eat a damn pizza without feeling like I need to sacrifice my first born in order to not gain 123756923856 pounds, from that one stuff crust sent from the gods. Then I will give a good go.
Between this new schedule and well just life with what feels like ten kids and work and well my books.... Its been difficult. SO bare with me if y'all don't get weekly post :)
Annyywwhhoooo,
My life altering story tonight I blame on T.V. and parents incapable of being a proper parent. (yeah, I said it) And if you get offend then you are probably said parent.
About 6 or so months ago, my husband was home from his hitch. My wonderful once in a lifetime love of a husband always tries to do daddy date nights with one of his girls. Well that week just happened to be with my oldest riley. Now what some of y'all don't know about riley is she is severely ADD... NOT ADHD she is not hyperactive. My babe just having a really hard time focusing on one single thing at a time. Plus OCD. It's super fun at times, but dreadfully painful other times.
So Jeremy takes her out to eat, and they are talking about food and drinks and whatnot. When Riley says well I can't drink anything I want (I don't let my kids have soda) and Jeremy is like well no, but that stuff is bad for you anyway... Riley pops off with well I have this friend in school and if she could drink anything all day it would be alcohol.....BING red flags start going off ... Jeremy suddenly became the best detective that side of magnolia. Riley of course back tracks and tries to change shit up. So Jeremy stops and diverts the conversation and brings it home to me later.....
Jeremy then fills me in on the whole conversation and his worries and concerns. So I bring riley outside to ask her a few questions and explain to her she is not in trouble and I just need to see if we need to help anyone. So she tells me one of her friends that's older drank some and that's what she was referring to. So I then explain why we don't drink so young or do drugs.... I then proceed to ask my TEN year old if she had anymore questions.
Now is the time to let y'all in on my motto. I do not lie to my kids, I promised myself I never would. I would give it to them straight. I always said they could ask me any questions. Cause of my own experiences and being absolutely terrified of my mother (sorry mom) I had no clue what DSL meant and I thought it was the coolest thing ever when that went around in 6th grade.... Note we also didn't have TV really back then either. So I was really clueless. I mean fuck I was walking around about having Dick Sucking Lips like a fucking gold metal and mortified once I found out.... In 7th grade!!!!
Anyway, Riley my sweet baby, the apple of my eye. Then looks at me and says... Well I have a lot of questions... I said okay, like what? She was like well sex.....
I was not prepared for this at all, I thought I had at least 3-4 years before I need to have this conversation with my daughter. I was fucking BLINDSIGHTED! In my head I was like okay okay shes 10 it can't be that bad...(lights cigarette)
okay Riley, whatcha got.
Well how does sex work?
brain talk (okay not bad)
well, here is where people say I should have switched to medical terminology... I didn't,,, I WASNT PREPARED.
So I explain a man has a penis and he puts it into your vagina hole.
riley: (horrified expression) like my tiny hole where my pee comes out!
brain talk (fucking A!!)
No no baby, you have 2 holes one is for pee the other is your vagina hole. Then I explain that's how babies are made the whole thing. Tubes and sperm and fucking all of it
Riley: Oh okay, well is that what you and Jeremy are doing when I hear those noises?
Brain talk( light cigarette, mother fucking god damnit)
yes
Riley: So like it hurts?
brain talk (why did I have girls)
Well, at first it hurts the, very first time you have sex. But after it can feel very pleasant and good and that's why I make noises. Like when you eat something really good and it you say yummm without realizing it.
Riley: oh, so like what does a penis look like.
brain (I am failing as a mother right now)
ummmmm its hard to explain, they come in all sizes but most are like the size of a straight banana.
Riley: So what does it mean to be turned on? one of my friends says that.
Brain (I'm finding this fucking friends parents and kicking them in the fucking twat)
Well babe its your bodies natural response, you get a little fluid down there and you can kind of feel your heart beat.
Riley: So that's what that is when my friend Nolan is hugging me.
Brain ( OMFG, WTF, where have I gone WRONG? ---Lights Cigarette)
Well, you know not to act on those feelings right? Like its not okay to have boyfriends, or kiss or even like hold hands?
Riley: Oh yeah I know, we've talked about that.
(Lights Cigarette)
Riley: So when can I go on dates and stuff?
Brain (Fucking never)
Ummm we will put a little pin in that question and talk about it again when you are 16.
Brain (Fucking Never)
( lights cigarette)
Do you have anymore questions babe?
Riley: Well why do boys laugh when I say something is hard? Like the play-dough at school.
Brain (fucking pervy ass little fucking boys.)
Well, you know how I told you about when women get "turned on" when men do, their penis gets harder. So IMMATURE boys tend to laugh at stupid things like that. YOU should NEVER play with boys like that.
brain (stalk this Nolan fucker at school)
Any other questions?
brain ( I sure the fuck hope not,, Lights Cigarette)
Riley: No, but if I do I can come ask you right?
Of course baby, I'll always be here.
(Lights another cigarette)
Jeremy then comes outside. I am a fucking hot mess. More so than usual. I then go through the entire horrible encounter with him... He said well did you tell her it was the devil making her tingly. I cannot even with this man sometimes y'all.
Gonna give y'all a little parenting tip. Ask questions. Every fucking day. These other little bastard ass kids are watching R rated films and youtube and horrible shit and filling your little angels head with sex and debauchery that they don't even understand. Fucking little pricks. And to the parent who willing let their kids do whatever the fuck they want.... well leave a little comment below so I can deliver a cunt punch. I know these are different times and all but fuck she is 10 years old. I was absolutely floored with the questions it was a for real slap in the face. I know I am not the best mother and I should of handled that a totally more medical way. But I really thought I had a few more years. My no filter having ass cost me on this one guys.
So talk to your babies, ask questions. It's a different world we live in these days. I'll be damned if my girls lack the knowledge of anything and end up knocked up like their mother way to early. Not that I'd take my loves back but still. Just do it in a better way than me. LOL
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