Inexperience

Hello All! 

How the hell are You guys?! 

Let’s see..... where to start..... oh, I got a new job. I am now the parts and logistic coordinator for a company I cannot name because my shit is to vulgar and I don’t need to get fired. Just know, I love it and I fucking rock at it and everyone loves me there..... welllll not everyone lmao. Some people just don’t appreciate my organization skills. Let’s be honest my patience for incompetence has pretty much diminished. I could never ever be put in a manger position. Thank god my boss is awesome and doesn’t judge my foul language and crude humor and my judgmental having ass. LOL 

Hmmmm what else.... oh I’m am of course on the never ending  carousel of being on a diet one week to saying fuck it YOLO on taco Tuesday. So I’m forever going to be on the chunky side... yasssss thank you for all the compliments on how I’m not... I’m fatter in person. 

I’m still currently going strong with sexy beefcake, only wanted to murder him a handful of times last month. So yay for that! Just kidding, he’s awesome and remodeling all the things and busting ass at work and rocking the dad shit. He’s awesome and I don’t deserve him half the time.  

All the kids are barely alive and I guess okay. They will be the death of me. Legit. I cannot handle them most times..... for instance I had to pull out the ole belt and take your pants off move for the oldest because she can’t get it through her head TO STOP STEALING FOOD AND EATING IN HER ROOM AT NIGHT.... gahhh and bless laynes heart with her little baby syndrome with her eight foot personality, I’m gonna have to knock her out when she gets older I just know it. Faith is sweet as can be but is struggling with not leaving one sister out for another, makes me want to drop them all off at the first orphanage I come across. Having three girls isn’t for the faint of heart people. They are continuously breaking my heart and then taking my breath away the next second. It’s horrible. Bless the god damn broken road for my son, my heart. The little shit the pees everywhere but is the only one who doesn’t fight lol. 

There is the major parts of the past few months. Nothing special about it. So I will now take you down memory lane with me.... hopefully make you laugh a little to. 

Now what we aren’t going to do starting off is pretend that all you bitches waited for marriage before you had sex. I honestly don’t even know one person that did..... if you did, please tell me so I can know one person lol.... 

anyway, this will be a short story starting out, from back in my teenage years. My learning years. Now there will be no names. I don’t need hate mail. And if any of my close friends know said person keep your whore mouth closed.

So, I think I’m 14 or 15 I honestly cannot remember my age. I am on boyfriend number two in high school. Im getting sexually curious. Wondering things. Googling things. Terrified to ask questions and be “that inexperienced girl”... so I’m with BF2, and there had been some heavy petting and sloppy kissing. I swear I think back on some of these experiences and laugh so hard. I don’t know if it’s just me and my goofy self or if everyone had shitty first time experiences..... okay okay anyway. I talk my man up telling him I’m bout to blow his fucking mind with the best blow job a fucking teenager could give... all day..... I was planning to stay the night at his house that night and go to some festival that weekend with his family or something alone those lines.... so I made this elaborate plan to sneak in his room that night and blow his teenage mind with a pornstar blowjob. I was gonna rock my first fucking blow job. 

The time comes.... I sneak in, the kissing and petting starts, the inexperienced blow job starts, let me tell you. It’s starts off well, I feel quite proud of myself. I didn’t bite, it didn’t smell to bad. The hair was crazy but I handled it very maturely. It was dark so I didn’t really get spooked by the sight of it. LOL so the deed is going..... Then it happens, BF2 says those words.... “I’m gonna come”.... I remember thinking okay, okay what do I do? Then BAM! It shoots to my fucking gag reflex before I could formulate another thought! I start gagging VERY loudly. Poor dude is telling me to shut up and pushing me off of him before I wake up his mom.... I’m still gagging, leaning over the side of his bed and vomit in his black Nike’s..... he’s freaking out.... I’m freaking out... I take off to the bathroom and want to kill myself from embarrassment. BF2 is nice enough to throw the shoes in the washing machine and try to talk to me... I want nothing to do with speaking to him ever again. It was the worst most traumatic hilarious experience I have to date. My poor husband now has to deal with the PTSD of it. 

My question for you guys..... will you be very open with your kids so avoid situations like this for them or will you only tell them if they ask?!  

Hope y’all got a good laugh! I’ll post again sooner rather than later!