CHINESE WAX TERROR
Hello All,
How have you beautiful bitches been?
Kids are good, I am good. Job is good.
YALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL real quick before my story.....
Dating.... Sucks balls. SERIOUSLY. Big bull testicles. Had a few dates. Not all were horrible. It was fun, when I ventured out. I had never ever dated before. I had always been with guys, I have known my entire life. HELLLOOOO east county... LOL
So I tried it, the Bumble, the FB dating app even. Met some interesting people. New friends.
So after a few failed dates, and talking too men who cannot spell, and the dick pics... They all got deleted.
Like how hard is the understanding of correct punctuation?& for the love of all that's holy.... TURN ON Y'ALL'S AUTO CORRECT. & don't open with a picture of your dick... unless you are workin' with 10 or more...mmkkkkkkk.
So......back to my title line. Since we moved, I lost my waxing lady. So while I was googling new places. I was jolted back to a horrifying memory. A hilarious, mortifying, and painful memory.
K guys, I am not a hairy person. I can go like 2 weeks without shaving my legs and be fine. Everyone thinks I shave my arms... No. Just no. I do not. MEN SHOULDN'T EITHER.
Well, my beautiful neglected vagina did not get the memo of the non-hairy clause that came with my birth. So naturally, I shave. Well, after many years with no mother fucking issues. Never having razor burn. Nothing. My vagina all of a sudden revolted against me, every time a razor touched my nether regions, I got the worst fucking razor burn. EVERY-TIME. No matter what razor or what was used to shave it with. I did not understand what was going on in my life. I was in pain. Cause that shit fucking hurts. Especially when you got thick ass thighs as well. All the chafing and razor burn. Jesus Christ. It was miserable. So I got sent to this lady to wax it all off. The first couple of times, it hurt. Nothing too bad though. It got easier and easier as time went on.... razor burn was gone. I was walking normal, and not like I had a train ran on my ass hole. Everything was peachy.
UNTILLLLLL
The ex and I, booked a last min trip. My normal wax lady, couldn't fit me in, so I was like okayyyyyy...... It been like 5 weeks. My appointment was the following Monday, this was Friday, and I wanted to be slick like a dolphin ready for a party. Slipping and sliding in to O-town.
So in my brain, I thought, welll..... The lady that does my eyebrows does a great job. I'll have the best landing strip this side of mother fucking Texas. Watch out. Imma about to be a vagina model.
So I call and they speak their broken English and tell me to come on in. Now in my mind, it was going to be like all the other times I have been waxed. But better because they sculpt the fuck out of my eyebrows. Like Michelangelo for my face. With hard wax. Like I was use to....
Upon arrival, I am whisked to the back, with my normal lady. Who says shes gonna set up, but someone else will be handling it. I warned her, told her. It was been 5 weeks. I rival chewbacca bro. Its not pleasant. She smiles, like all the bitches say that. It's not that bad, I raised my eyebrows in silent pray to her, to believe me.
She steps out, in steps in an 80 year old lady. I absorb the situation. I see no hard wax guys. Just the sticks and those little paper cloth things and shit. I am hyping myself up, thinking okay, okay. Grandma is about to see my booty hole.... For some reason it was much worse than the younger girl I know. This lady speaks ZERO English. So I am laid up on the bed, and she lays the first wax strip down. Over the top. Where my C-section scar is. Where I legit have hardly any feeling. ANNDDD rips it off. & I came to the very real realization that this lady was about to fuck me up. She was at war with my bush in this moment. Saw nothing but the finish line. She held no prisoners. She attacked my vagina hair like the demon it looked like. Holding down my legs in the process. Cause those fucking was cloth strips hurt 100000000000000000000 times more than hard wax. I am trying my best to be this bad ass bitch that I am. But Jesus fuck a tear or two slipped free. It was awful, rip after rip. Not one felt less painful... Now my normal wax lady was good. But I always had a few stranglers I plucked out myself more on the inside of my pretty pink beautiful lips...... Grandma had no mother fucking shame. Spread me wide like she was gonna feast right on me like thanksgiving dinner. Slapped that wax right on the INSIDE and yanked like she didn't care if my clitoris came with it. I came off the mother fucking bed, shot up so fast and freaked when I felt my lips closing in on each other and the hot sticky feeling of the wax. So laid back down real fast, and spread my own lips, like a fucking porn. Freaking the fuck out my lips were gonna get stuck together forever. Cause I'll be damned if i have to hold a blow dryer and burn my damn lips even more. So I yanked them apart and ole' grandma is trying to sooth me, I just want it over. So she finally finished, I avoided all eye contact. I didn't want her to see my tears. So I wobble out the door, AFTER I CLEAN THE BLOOD OFF!!!!!!!!!!
& it is only me left in this nail salon.... and grandma is over there flapping her gums in her native tongue.... everyone is just laughing and laughing. I look at my girl who normally does my eye brows. and ask her what shes saying. She said, "you gonna be hurting, you had lot of hair"
Mortified, but unable to run out of there. I walked out, vagina pulsating...tears running freely. Went home and sat with ice on my vagina.
It was awful..... but let me tell you guys...... She indeed did sculpt the fuck out of my vagina. THE BEST WAX JOB EVER.
Have I gone back..... NOPE. I will never step foot back in that war zone ever again. I will only ever do hard wax, with a person whom can speak English.That will head to my warning of laziness.
I know my vagina may never be as pretty as the Chinese terror grandma did it. There is just no way I can put myself through it again. So i'll stick with mediocre wax jobs, set the vagina model dream to the side and thank got I still have my clitoris.
Hope you enjoyed!
XOXOXO
How have you beautiful bitches been?
Kids are good, I am good. Job is good.
YALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL real quick before my story.....
Dating.... Sucks balls. SERIOUSLY. Big bull testicles. Had a few dates. Not all were horrible. It was fun, when I ventured out. I had never ever dated before. I had always been with guys, I have known my entire life. HELLLOOOO east county... LOL
So I tried it, the Bumble, the FB dating app even. Met some interesting people. New friends.
So after a few failed dates, and talking too men who cannot spell, and the dick pics... They all got deleted.
Like how hard is the understanding of correct punctuation?& for the love of all that's holy.... TURN ON Y'ALL'S AUTO CORRECT. & don't open with a picture of your dick... unless you are workin' with 10 or more...mmkkkkkkk.
So......back to my title line. Since we moved, I lost my waxing lady. So while I was googling new places. I was jolted back to a horrifying memory. A hilarious, mortifying, and painful memory.
K guys, I am not a hairy person. I can go like 2 weeks without shaving my legs and be fine. Everyone thinks I shave my arms... No. Just no. I do not. MEN SHOULDN'T EITHER.
Well, my beautiful neglected vagina did not get the memo of the non-hairy clause that came with my birth. So naturally, I shave. Well, after many years with no mother fucking issues. Never having razor burn. Nothing. My vagina all of a sudden revolted against me, every time a razor touched my nether regions, I got the worst fucking razor burn. EVERY-TIME. No matter what razor or what was used to shave it with. I did not understand what was going on in my life. I was in pain. Cause that shit fucking hurts. Especially when you got thick ass thighs as well. All the chafing and razor burn. Jesus Christ. It was miserable. So I got sent to this lady to wax it all off. The first couple of times, it hurt. Nothing too bad though. It got easier and easier as time went on.... razor burn was gone. I was walking normal, and not like I had a train ran on my ass hole. Everything was peachy.
UNTILLLLLL
The ex and I, booked a last min trip. My normal wax lady, couldn't fit me in, so I was like okayyyyyy...... It been like 5 weeks. My appointment was the following Monday, this was Friday, and I wanted to be slick like a dolphin ready for a party. Slipping and sliding in to O-town.
So in my brain, I thought, welll..... The lady that does my eyebrows does a great job. I'll have the best landing strip this side of mother fucking Texas. Watch out. Imma about to be a vagina model.
So I call and they speak their broken English and tell me to come on in. Now in my mind, it was going to be like all the other times I have been waxed. But better because they sculpt the fuck out of my eyebrows. Like Michelangelo for my face. With hard wax. Like I was use to....
Upon arrival, I am whisked to the back, with my normal lady. Who says shes gonna set up, but someone else will be handling it. I warned her, told her. It was been 5 weeks. I rival chewbacca bro. Its not pleasant. She smiles, like all the bitches say that. It's not that bad, I raised my eyebrows in silent pray to her, to believe me.
She steps out, in steps in an 80 year old lady. I absorb the situation. I see no hard wax guys. Just the sticks and those little paper cloth things and shit. I am hyping myself up, thinking okay, okay. Grandma is about to see my booty hole.... For some reason it was much worse than the younger girl I know. This lady speaks ZERO English. So I am laid up on the bed, and she lays the first wax strip down. Over the top. Where my C-section scar is. Where I legit have hardly any feeling. ANNDDD rips it off. & I came to the very real realization that this lady was about to fuck me up. She was at war with my bush in this moment. Saw nothing but the finish line. She held no prisoners. She attacked my vagina hair like the demon it looked like. Holding down my legs in the process. Cause those fucking was cloth strips hurt 100000000000000000000 times more than hard wax. I am trying my best to be this bad ass bitch that I am. But Jesus fuck a tear or two slipped free. It was awful, rip after rip. Not one felt less painful... Now my normal wax lady was good. But I always had a few stranglers I plucked out myself more on the inside of my pretty pink beautiful lips...... Grandma had no mother fucking shame. Spread me wide like she was gonna feast right on me like thanksgiving dinner. Slapped that wax right on the INSIDE and yanked like she didn't care if my clitoris came with it. I came off the mother fucking bed, shot up so fast and freaked when I felt my lips closing in on each other and the hot sticky feeling of the wax. So laid back down real fast, and spread my own lips, like a fucking porn. Freaking the fuck out my lips were gonna get stuck together forever. Cause I'll be damned if i have to hold a blow dryer and burn my damn lips even more. So I yanked them apart and ole' grandma is trying to sooth me, I just want it over. So she finally finished, I avoided all eye contact. I didn't want her to see my tears. So I wobble out the door, AFTER I CLEAN THE BLOOD OFF!!!!!!!!!!
& it is only me left in this nail salon.... and grandma is over there flapping her gums in her native tongue.... everyone is just laughing and laughing. I look at my girl who normally does my eye brows. and ask her what shes saying. She said, "you gonna be hurting, you had lot of hair"
Mortified, but unable to run out of there. I walked out, vagina pulsating...tears running freely. Went home and sat with ice on my vagina.
It was awful..... but let me tell you guys...... She indeed did sculpt the fuck out of my vagina. THE BEST WAX JOB EVER.
Have I gone back..... NOPE. I will never step foot back in that war zone ever again. I will only ever do hard wax, with a person whom can speak English.That will head to my warning of laziness.
I know my vagina may never be as pretty as the Chinese terror grandma did it. There is just no way I can put myself through it again. So i'll stick with mediocre wax jobs, set the vagina model dream to the side and thank got I still have my clitoris.
Hope you enjoyed!
XOXOXO
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